One of my strengths, and also my weakness, has always been my inability to let go, to say no, to back down, to give people space. Combine this weakness with having a knack for crazy ideas, being so easily excited with them, and the stubbornness to squeeze everything out of anything until there's nothing left, and I have a recipe for self-destruction in hand.
I remember that when I was in the university, I took up everything that comes my way. I felt sorry for students who take modules because they are easier because I instead aimed for the toughest hardest modules. I believed limitations exists, of course, but it is not for us to decide, setting limits is God's business. Our job is to push and push and push until we succeed, or until God says no, when He does, you've found your limits.
I used to say opportunities come probably only once in a lifetime, so I should take them with both hands, and jump straight in, and that if it's not meant to be, God will pull me out of it. I may be pulled out kicking and screaming, but I know with God's help I can be strong enough to rise back and start jumping into the next opportunity that comes by.
Thus, I had 6 and 7 modules a semester while most kids have only 5. I took up projects and assignments and ECAs like junk food. I even graduated with too many credits, and that was with 1st class honours and half a year left to spare. I was pretty okay being the over-achiever until the moment came that my grandfather passed away.
Back then I was so ingrained into wanting to break limits, achieve my fullest, and be the best that I can be, that I was basically tied down - all work, no time to just *poof* and leave the responsibilities I had just like that. So I decided that it may be best to not go home for grandpa's funeral.
Instead, I called home to send my condolences. Then that moment happened, when I got grandma on the phone and she was too weak, too sad, to even speak, she sobbed slightly, and she handed the phone over to my aunt.That's the moment when guilt sank in and I realized how wrong I've been living my life.
That was also when I promised to myself and everyone that my number one is God, my number two is _always_ family, and work comes last. And in a way, that was also when I dropped my passion for world conquest and ultimate learning, and instead decided to pursue work related to education and healthcare.
These fields are the kind of work that gives me satisfaction, knowing that I am contributing to the better fulfillment of the basic needs of others. And besides that, I'm also hoping that I can still be in touch with my family, despite doing my work.
Did I tell you ? my father has been an educator all his life, his father before him was also an educator, and my mom's side of the family has been pretty much in the medical profession all the while. They're professionals, but you can say in a way that education and healthcare are the family businesses.
Anyway, I guess I've learned a bit since my university days, I still naturally respond to challenges with 'escalating commitment', but I try to make a conscious effort to give people around me some space; I guess I learned that not everyone shares my passion for 'getting that gold at the end of the rainbow', for it may not be gold for them at all.
Anyway, I wrote this blog entry because I was reading this article at Christianity Today. It talks of Phil Vischer, who seems to be similar to yours truly here. He's a natural introvert with big dreams, big ideas, and the stubborness and unwillingness to let go of these dreams.
The article ends with this, and I love it very much:
What does it mean when God gives you a dream and the dream comes to life, and then the dream dies? Porter said God wants to see if you can live without the dream, depending only on Him for meaning.
I remember that when I was in the university, I took up everything that comes my way. I felt sorry for students who take modules because they are easier because I instead aimed for the toughest hardest modules. I believed limitations exists, of course, but it is not for us to decide, setting limits is God's business. Our job is to push and push and push until we succeed, or until God says no, when He does, you've found your limits.
I used to say opportunities come probably only once in a lifetime, so I should take them with both hands, and jump straight in, and that if it's not meant to be, God will pull me out of it. I may be pulled out kicking and screaming, but I know with God's help I can be strong enough to rise back and start jumping into the next opportunity that comes by.
Thus, I had 6 and 7 modules a semester while most kids have only 5. I took up projects and assignments and ECAs like junk food. I even graduated with too many credits, and that was with 1st class honours and half a year left to spare. I was pretty okay being the over-achiever until the moment came that my grandfather passed away.
Back then I was so ingrained into wanting to break limits, achieve my fullest, and be the best that I can be, that I was basically tied down - all work, no time to just *poof* and leave the responsibilities I had just like that. So I decided that it may be best to not go home for grandpa's funeral.
Instead, I called home to send my condolences. Then that moment happened, when I got grandma on the phone and she was too weak, too sad, to even speak, she sobbed slightly, and she handed the phone over to my aunt.That's the moment when guilt sank in and I realized how wrong I've been living my life.
That was also when I promised to myself and everyone that my number one is God, my number two is _always_ family, and work comes last. And in a way, that was also when I dropped my passion for world conquest and ultimate learning, and instead decided to pursue work related to education and healthcare.
These fields are the kind of work that gives me satisfaction, knowing that I am contributing to the better fulfillment of the basic needs of others. And besides that, I'm also hoping that I can still be in touch with my family, despite doing my work.
Did I tell you ? my father has been an educator all his life, his father before him was also an educator, and my mom's side of the family has been pretty much in the medical profession all the while. They're professionals, but you can say in a way that education and healthcare are the family businesses.
Anyway, I guess I've learned a bit since my university days, I still naturally respond to challenges with 'escalating commitment', but I try to make a conscious effort to give people around me some space; I guess I learned that not everyone shares my passion for 'getting that gold at the end of the rainbow', for it may not be gold for them at all.
Anyway, I wrote this blog entry because I was reading this article at Christianity Today. It talks of Phil Vischer, who seems to be similar to yours truly here. He's a natural introvert with big dreams, big ideas, and the stubborness and unwillingness to let go of these dreams.
The article ends with this, and I love it very much:
What does it mean when God gives you a dream and the dream comes to life, and then the dream dies? Porter said God wants to see if you can live without the dream, depending only on Him for meaning.
posted by JPG at
18:21
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