Lately I've been feeling as though I'm a toddler again. I'm learning how to walk, how to talk, what to do almost everything, all over again.

I'm frail and vulnerable - all over again.

I know I used to be so sure of everything, even if i'm unsure, I would say that I'm at least sure about what I'm unsure about, and that I'm still sure how to manage and deal with the situation. I always say,"I'll figure out a way", as though I know for sure things will beokay.

But now it's different. The world is a strange new place. The world is neither foreign nor familiar. The world is just simply not-that-known anymore to me.

I guess when I was so sure before, I was only afraid to admit that I am unsure.

When I say "the world", I mean everything that is outside myself. Imean the people around me. I mean their thoughts and behaviours. I mean every single thing that happens.

I notice that in my every action, I see no motivation to rush, nomotivation to make things happen, no motivation to convince, nomotivation to convert, no motivation to drive, no motivation to perform any change outside what is natural.

I notice that in my every action, I see a great desire to observe the world - for learning's sake.

I admit that I'm unsure and that I am certain of nothing, yet I am perfectly fine with that; instead, I take delight in that. Like alittle kid who's just been dropped off in an ice-cream shop, and being told that everything that his desires are the limits.

Now I care not about what I think people expect me to say and do. Withall these strings cut away, some part of me feels that I've totally lost my way. I don't know how to do things anymore. But other parts of me feel that I've been totally liberated. I no longer have the fearo f telling people that I don't know and that I need their help. I no longer have the need to do anything. I owe nothing to anyone. I'm free.

I have lost all that I usually have to say as well. With everythingaround me so not-that-known (in a very unintriquing, strange, and coldway), I don't know what to say anymore other than the emotions I feel, the sights I see, the sounds I hear, and all that I sense through my five senses.

The things that I usually care much about mean nothing to me. Things that I didn't realize I cared so much about now mean the world to me.

And I think that's the way it should be.

There's peace in emptiness. in silence. in the death of certain things.

There's joy in what's left after certain things have passed away.