Dear Lord...

I don't understand life.
I don't understand You.
I don't understand
the things that You do.

At times I feel like an eagle
soaring high with Your love
empowering me

At times I feel so small
and powerless. looking at
things I can't prevent
I can't help
I can't fix
I can't do anything about

What good is my heart
What good is my soul
If I can't make things better
If I can't be there ..

Maybe this is a test of faith
in Your wisdom
in Your plan
in Your providence

Afterall, we are only creatures of thoughts and feelings
we smile this moment and shed tears the next
we know the little that we know
we do the little things that we do.
and count on You for everything else.

~ dedicated to that someone on the other side of the world.

Secret Garden

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get to that place where
You can't remember and you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there

She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say she's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay a million miles away

~~ from Secret Garden: Bruce Springsteen.

Aneh ...

Koq bisa merasakan kehilangan for someone yang was never mine.

Mungkin it is because I watched her grow, dari someone yang simple and innocent, jadi someone yang capable and people sought after.

I may not like all that she is right now.. but I guess I played a part in helping her be what she is today...

There was once when I thought I was her father, her creator, her guide, her saviour.. but now I realize that's all but an illusion.

Alice was never mine.

*time to start another software project* .. =)

Do I Love You ...

Beyond the shadow of a doubt
As the mighty river flows
As the meadow gaily plays
With the wind on summer days

About as deep as deep can go
From the canyons to the sky
Like a mother as she cares
For the baby that she bears

  Do I love you, don't you know by now ?
  Do I love you, must I show you how ?
  Do I love you, do I have to say ?
  Do I love you, yes, in every way ...

About as sacred as a hymn
And the bible filled with prayers
From a whisper to a roar
Very much and even more

Let me say it with my eyes
And I'll share it with the night
If in death the good Lord is kind
You'll be the last thing on my mind

  Do I love you, don't you know by now ?
  Do I love you, must I show you how ?
  Do I love you, do I have to say ?
  Do I love you, yes, in every way ...

From Do I Love You - Paul Anka

woohoo!

I got her phone number. Now all i have to do is wait awhile before calling her. Give her a little bit of 'suspense'. "Johan knows my number, but why hasn't he called?".

.. playing it smooth. ;-)

On doing

Time for me to be a bit cynical...

Doing something you believe in and getting positive returns is smart.
Doing something you believe in and not giving a damn about the returns is generous.
Doing something you believe in and losing in the process is sacrifice.

Doing something you don't believe in and getting positive returns is prostitution.
Doing something you don't believe in and not giving a damn about the returns is ignorance.
Doing something you don't believe in and losing in the process is stupidity.

Do I really believe in what I am doing ? Is it really worth my time and energy ? Am I being smart ? or am I just plain stupid ?

Weird Musings...

I was walking down Orchard road today to meet an old friend for lunch. Orchard is Orchard. It is crowded. It is full of shops. It is full of people. I hate the place.

While walking through the CK Tang - Wheelok Place underpass, I can't help noticing a series of Omega watch advertisements that says "Cindy Crawford chooses Omega", "Anna Kournikova chooses Omega", and on and on and on .. picturing public figures choosing Omega watches. I told myself "This is weird. This doesn't make sense."

This has to be one of those 'real-world peculiarities'. In my opinion, rich and famous public figures are the worst people to be used to testify personal choices, why ? because these people have enough dough to spend on the wrong stuff. People like me, for instance, do not have that kind of luxury, if I spend $600 on a watch let's say, and found out I made a wrong choice, I'd live to regret it. I can't just spend another $600 to get another watch without making both my eyes twitch in disharmony.

So to those people doing advertisements, probably you guys want to show a picture of a blue collar worker who knows what $600 means for him and his family, and yeah.. pay him to say he chooses Omega. That would probably be cheaper than paying Cindy and Anna :-)

The last time I noticed anything this weird was when I had my haircut. let's be real here. Do you really know what you are doing when you walk into a barbershop ?

You actually give money to a guy you know little about (he could be an ex-con for all you know), so that you can be comfortable while he places a sharp blade so near to your skin that your mom would definitely freak out if you were in a poultry shop.

What's even weirder is that the more money you pay, the more comfortable and secure you feel. Talk about false security!

Talk about human psychology. The more we invest in something (either in form of money, or time, or effort) .. the more we deceive ourselves into thinking that everything will be okay.

I guess this is related to the Omega advertisements too. Some people may have spent so much money on the products that they never bothered to think further. Everything will be okay because I paid a bomb for it! Now where's the logic in that ?